


Shatterable

by pith



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-17
Updated: 2007-06-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 00:44:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8266460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pith/pseuds/pith
Summary: River reflects on her shipmates.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Spoilers:** _Firefly_ (including some deleted scenes) and _Serenity_  
>  **Notes:** At the time this was written, I hadn't seen the episodes on the second DVD, so I know there's canon it's missing.  
>  **Original posting date:** [17 June 2007](http://pithia.livejournal.com/28021.html)

Boys were off-limits, River knew, because they made themselves that way. They were closed. Hard. Distant.

(She knew some people would apply those traits to her too.)

Captain Mal was nice enough in his words and actions. Sometimes he'd even let her co-pilot _Serenity_. But he had a way—an unintentional way—of making her feel like she was still cargo. The girl in the box. 

Shepherd Book—rest his soul, or whatever it was he said over the dead—had always seemed to vaguely disapprove of her. It might've been because of that time she'd asked him to marry her and Simon. He hadn't understood what she'd meant by that. He thought love fell into categories, while she knew it only fit into hearts.

Jayne was . . . Jayne. All the harder for his girl's name, as if he had something to prove. He'd already tried to turn her in once. She was just waiting for the notion to penetrate the dumb-fog of his brain again.

Wash—rest his soul, or however it was supposed to go—had probably been the nicest of the men outside of her brother, but he rarely had anything to do with her. He was usually too busy trying to impress Zoe, to remind her—blatantly or otherwise—that she'd married him and not Mal. Or playing with his dinosaurs. 

(River snuck them into her room after Wash's funeral. She liked it when they talked. They spoke Old.)

Simon, Simon, Simon. He used to be so good to her before, but ever since he and Kaylee got together, River was less in his thoughts; at times it seemed like he almost wished that she was back in that box, so she could be brought out and hidden away at his convenience.

To be fair, most of the women on board _Serenity_ weren't much better. Zoe never fully trusted River, always looking at her as if waiting for her to fall apart, to shatter into a million pieces and impale herself upon her insanity. Zoe's hand was never far from her gun when River was in eyeshot.

Even though she still played with her, Kaylee never really trusted River again. Not after the shooting. Kaylee would smile and be kind, because that was all she really knew how to do, but Simon got most of her sweetness now.

It was Inara who was the most open, the most kind. River thought she'd be distant, separate like her shuttle, but the companion often invited her into her private quarters, full of warm colours, heady incense, and soft light. It was like walking in someone's heart, cherished and vital. Inara would braid her hair and let her try on her fanciest dresses, and they talked about anything, everything, and River loved how their voices soared together, caught in the velvet and the glow. And when River would fall asleep on Inara's lap, fingers still stroking her hair, she didn't feel damaged. She didn't feel like a nuisance or a threat. She was vibrant, valued, safe. No longer shatterable, but shining.


End file.
